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The headmaster of an elite Sydney all boys school has shocked domestic violence awareness advocates after calling Lilie James’s suspected murderer “an absolute delight” and “not a monster”.

In a newsletter on Friday, Dr John Collier, the head of North Sydney’s Shore School, wrote about “the tragedy” that unfolded on October 25.

Dr Collier previously served as headmaster of St Andrew’s Cathedral School in the city’s CBD – where the body of 21-year-old Ms James was found in the toilet area of its gym.

Paul Thijssen, who Ms James dated for a mere five weeks, is suspected of murdering her. His body was recovered at Diamond Bay Reserve in Vaucluse on October 27 after an extensive police search.

In the article, titled Looking in the Face of Savagery and first reported by the ABC, Dr Collier wrote the “extreme violence was inexplicable, incomprehensible, unimaginable”.

He then went on to describe Mr Thijssen, who he said he knew during his tenure at St Andrew’s, as a “fine student, a prefect, a role model”.

“What is chilling about the tragedy which unfolded at St Andrew’s, the shock and grief of which will cascade for a long time, is that the young man concerned was, in everybody’s estimation, an absolute delight,” Dr Collier wrote.

“He appeared to be just like the best of us. An hour before he committed the atrocity, he was speaking in a relaxed, friendly mode with staff at that school.

“He was not a monster; rather, in the last five hours of his life, he committed a monstrous act which was in complete contradiction to what everyone who knew him observed in the rest of his short life.

“What led to his mental disintegration? Was it a psychotic episode which was deeply out of character?”

Dr Collier concluded the newsletter by writing that, at Shore School, “we earnestly desire to build, in conjunction with parents, young men of broad perspective and character who will be, in the deepest sense, beautiful men”.

While chief executive of anti-domestic violence organisation Mary’s House, Yvette Vignando, commended Dr Collier for trying to reach young men, she told the ABC his language was not helpful.

“One thing that stood out to me was it was quite jarring to read someone describe, after such an horrific murder, the alleged perpetrator as an ‘absolute delight’, that was not helpful,” Ms Vignando said.

Dr Collier’s comments, she said, reflect a need to blame male violence on “mental disintegration” or a “psychotic episode”.

“We do not want to acknowledge there are people out there – mostly men, who appear delightful to the rest of us, but they are actually terrorising their families and their partners,” she said.

“They are out there and living among us and living in some of the most privileged parts of Sydney.”

Teach Us Consent CEO Chanel Contos also touched on the common trope in her address to the National Press Club on Wednesday.

Stories focusing on Mr Thijssen’s position as a school leader are misleading, Ms Contos said.

“There was things saying he was a sports captain, elevating his status as if it’s this kind of shock horror – but I think that’s the exact thing,” she said.

“We don’t understand how someone who can also be sports captain, who can also be a school leader, can do these sorts of things. But the point is, anyone can. And our society very much celebrates and embeds this culture.”

Ms Contos told the ABC Dr Collier’s remarks were “symbolic of a much larger problem”.

“The idea that he was a prefect, a role model, a fine student, this does not mean it’s an anomaly that he could murder somebody … The whole point is that normal people do these crimes.”

Shore School said in a statement it “took on board the criticism”. The weekly newsletter was an attempt “to consider what responses might be appropriate in a school that seeks to build good men”.

“And how our character development programs need to dig deeply into what respect for women fully means,” it said.

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“It was never our intention to create any additional distress for those affected by this tragedy.

“The opinions expressed in this weekly article are deeply personal and reflect the thoughts of a headmaster who knew the alleged perpetrator and who, like many others, is struggling to make sense of the seemingly senseless.”

News.com.au has reached out to Dr Collier for comment.

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